April 23, 2012

Oakland Tribune - Offra Gerstein, Relationship Matters: Manage your frustrations for sustained marital harmony

Happy love relationships are nourished by ongoing mutual gratification of our needs. When our expectations are not met we tend to feel frustrated, hurt and angry. Though becoming occasionally frustrated with a spouse is inevitable — we can learn to manage our disappointment in ways that do not hinder our shared love.

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Since emotions are byproducts of thoughts, the messages we create in our minds determine how we feel and subsequently act about anything we experience. Susan Hendrick of Texas Tech writes, “because the substance of a person’s thoughts is often a powerful determinant of his actions, it is very important for spouses to control the way they think about each other. Husbands and wives can do this during times of conflict by focusing on the troublesome issue instead of their partner’s flaws.”